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Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
6:00 pm - Born and Bread
Baking bread is some serious shit.

It really is amazing how the mind works. Before I started this baking job, I couldn't have given two craps about bread. But after a week or so, I'm reading up on different kinds of flours, scanning recipe books for interesting bread varities, and glancing distastefully at loaves of pre-sliced Wonderbread at the supermarket.

Because the truth is, I make some damned tasty bread.

I'm enjoying the work - it's nice to be moving around and using one's hands, even if one's leg has some kind of chronic injury that hurts like hell when one stands on it for too long. But work of any kind is welcome after being unemployed for a few months. And all the free sandwiches are pretty awesome, too.

Yet another attempt to revive my Livejournal.

current mood: Bone Tired.

(4 spoken minds | speak your mind)

Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
6:48 pm - Welcome to the Jungle.
So I've been substitute teaching for the last few weeks, and I have to say it's been an eye-opening experience. My evolution as a substitute teacher went something like this:

Day One:

8:29 am: "I'm going to be the coolest substitute teacher ever. I'll let them talk and just generally hang out, and in return they'll respect me and generally behave."

8:31 am: "I hate these little fuckers. Where the hell are those referral slips?"

About the only saving grace of my job is that since I substitute at a "Teaching School" for the University of Florida, most of the classes have interns who are in the room even when the teacher is out. Despite the interns all being more qualified than me, Florida law requires an actual "substitute teacher" to be in the room with them at all times. I get paid. They don't. They do the actual work. I don't.

When you get right down to it, I can't imagine an [b]easier[/b] job. The only real problem is that I can't get 40 hours a week.

current mood: Relaxed

(1 spoken mind | speak your mind)

Sunday, December 25th, 2005
11:14 pm - Hannukah Thoughts
So I'm officially a college graduate. You can append a shitty little "BA" to the end of my name. Looking at it objectively, I realize that I've got from "full-time college student" to "gainfully unemployed." It's about time I started looking for work.

Strange to think that I may never take another class in my life.

current mood: Old.

(speak your mind)

Saturday, August 6th, 2005
3:37 am - Hold the line - Love isn't always on time.
In no particular order.

1) Bom b'b'bom b'bom b'bom bom, bom b'bom a dang a dang dang a'ding a'dong ding Blue Moon.
2) You're the devil in disguise, yes you are.
3) Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky, you can see the stars and still not see the light.
4)Begone with you you shod and shady senators, give out the good leave out the bad evil cries. I challenge the mighty titan and his troubadours.
5)When I come home, baby, my house is dark and my pots are cold.

Counter, sah!

(speak your mind)

Sunday, July 31st, 2005
8:12 pm - Was your father as bold as a sergeant major?
So I went down to Stubbies a few nights ago, a little hole-in-the-wall that serves over a hundred kinds of imported beers. I had a Belgian wheat ale, which was about as smooth and light (and bland) as a Budweiser. Next time I'm getting something stronger.

And now, to fill space, my Accept No Imitation Pasta Sauce. A simple but very tasty sauce that's perfect for lasanga and other baked dishes. A little thick to just throw over spagetti, though.

1. Brown about a pound of meat in a saucepan with freshly chopped garlic and a shitload of onions. Add seasonings and some brown sugar.
2. Drain fat.
3. Take a few moments to kill the vampires who will be lured by the smell of cooking beef.
4. Add diced or whole crushed tomatoes, with the liquid. Tomato paste to thicken if you want. More seasonings, such as oregano, pepper, etc. I like crushed red peppers.
5. Simmer for about an hour, uncovered.
6. While the sauce is simmering, get rid of the vampire corpses and onion skins.

current mood: Full.

(speak your mind)

Saturday, February 12th, 2005
1:51 pm - Damnit. Don't die on me. Not on my watch!
In an effort to keep my livejournal active and updated, I'm posting a great article I found.


There it is. I'm not even coding the HTML for you losers. Hah!

But seriously. Good article. I especially liked the picture of Bogart cracking open a huge box of gin.

current mood: Passive

(speak your mind)

Thursday, January 20th, 2005
10:02 pm - Money talks. It also diagrams sentences.
“There are ten questions on this test,” our professor told us. “You will only answer eight. If you answer nine, I will subtract ten points from your score. If you answer all ten, I will subtract ten more points.”

“However,” he continued, “I guarantee that at least one of you will answer more than eight questions. In fact, I will bet one of you ten dollars that someone will answer more than eight questions.”

There weren’t any takers.

“All right,” he said smugly. “I will bet ten of my dollars against two of yours that someone will answer more than eight questions.”

At that point, I had to raise my hand. I cast my dice with the overall intellect of the class. Probably a stupid move.

But when I sat down in class today, he came up to me, busted out his wallet, and handed me a worn (but perfectly serviceable) ten dollar bill.

Almost a shame, really. I’d been looking for a chance to get rid of all these nickels.

current mood: Just a little bit richer

(speak your mind)

Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
12:40 am - Bounty Hunting - Livejournal Style
It's funny what you can learn about people through their livejournals. I don't even mean the actual posts. That's too easy.

But try paying a little attention to what groups people are members of. It's like a giant screaming billboard.

current mood: Voyeuristic

(speak your mind)

Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
1:28 pm - Hablaing the Espanolish.
New semesters really do suck. If it weren't for the ridiculous amount of money I've spent on books in the last few weeks, I probably wouldn't be so bitter. Sometimes I think it would be cool to be a college professor for no other reason than to be a bitter old man who makes students cry. That would be fucking awesome.

I'm taking Spanish I in my third (3rd) attempt to fill my language requirement. This one seems pretty easy though. Who would've though Spanish would be easier to learn than Latin or Hebrew?

The closer you get to graduation, the bigger a dork you become. Case in point: I'm taking five classes this semester. I consider two of them my 'fun' classes. Those classes are "Rhetorical Criticism" and "Advanced Grammar."

Advanced grammar. The high school me would probably want to kick the college me in the balls. And I might even deserve it.

current mood: Ding ah dong ding blue moon

(speak your mind)

Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
6:45 pm - My apartment smells like beer. Sweet.
I just boiled up some italian sausages and onions in a big pot of Yuengling Porter. Now my apartment spells like beer and sausage. Awesome.

One of my biggest complaints about going back to school is seeing people I don't remember. Because of my memory for names and faces, that category pretty much includes everybody but my little sister. "You have no idea who I am, do you?" is something I hear alot.

And I spent 165 dollars for a single course worth of books. That sucks too.

current mood: Unemployed

(speak your mind)

Saturday, January 1st, 2005
5:10 pm - Obligatory New Years Post
Just read the 5th book in the Dark Tower series. I've been trying to figure out how to get the numbers in 2005 to add up to 19. So far, nothing.

Smoked a cigar, had a beer, hung out with some total strangers. Just like last year.

current mood: New Yearish

(speak your mind)

Thursday, December 30th, 2004
1:30 am - Your kung fu manchu is strong, old man.
Somehow, having access to dialup is worse than being totally cut off from the internet. Trying to load multiple Web sites at once? Get real. Want to download something? It is to laugh. But at least I can keep up with the news again. Turns out there was a little flooding problem in Sri Lanka while I wasn't looking. Huh.

But at least I'm connected again. The hermit's life ain't for me. Shove it, Thoreau.

current mood: Feh.

(speak your mind)

Monday, December 27th, 2004
9:23 am - Survivor: Apartment Edition
So basically, I'm 100% cut off from the world at the moment. No phone, no internet, no cable, nothing. Moving sucks. I don't even know when I'll get phone service back. Hopefully tommorow. Until then, I've essentially dropped off the face of the earth. Which would be much cooler if I didn't have bills to pay.

I sit here posting from my former roomate's computer. He's out of town. He can't say jack about it. Now if only I could find his stash of porn, I'd be set for the winter.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and con my parents into buying me more groceries.

PS - Seriously, folks. I'm 100% incommunicado at the moment. Send me an email or something if you need to get a hold of me.

(speak your mind)

Sunday, December 12th, 2004
2:47 am - Duke of Earl of Sandwich
I warned her. I told her that if she ordered a side of 'dressing,' she'd get the gravy. "No," she said. "Dressing is the same as stuffing."

Who am I to argue? Gentleman that I am, I bided my time until our food came. I had an omlette with pancakes. She had a club sandwich with french fries. And a bowl of gravy.

Laughter helps the digestion, right?

current mood: Still Chuckling

(2 spoken minds | speak your mind)

Saturday, December 11th, 2004
1:49 am - My internal clock is broken.
Somehow I let myself stay up until 7:00am yesterday morning. That, of course, led to my sleeping until 6:00pm tonight.

Which is why I'll be awake through tommorow. And I have crap to do tommorow. Also, holiday shopping. Whose idea was it to give presents on Channukah? I blame the Catholics. Damn papists.

I think I'll go to an all night restaurant and bug the night staff.

current mood: Wired

(speak your mind)

Friday, December 10th, 2004
6:49 am - Ride that Pony.
My new kitten is fantastic. I'm tired of hearing about the rest of you peons who feel the need to lament the peccadillos of your own kittens.

Sadie the Cat doesn't keep me up at night. In fact, she sleeps curled up next to me or, if I'm laying on my back, between my legs with her head resting on my knee. If I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, she waits at my bedroom door for me to come back.

Sadie the Cat doesn't meow constantly. Sometimes she'll walk into the room and "meep" for no real reason, just to let you know she's not mute. Otherwise, hardly anything.

Sadie the Cat kills vampires. She drags them up the stairs and into the apartment by their bowties. Cleaning up the blood and white makeup is more than reasonable considering the importance of living in a vampire-free apartment complex.

Sadie the Cat is fearless. New visitors are extra people to play with. I don't have to show guests my awesome kitten. She introduces herself all on her own.

Sadie the Cat periodically leaves chunks of 24 carat gold in her litterbox.

Sadie the Cat greets me every day when I get home from school by waiting next to my bed. Once I take off my shoes, she jumps up and nuzzles my neck until she's satisfied that I'm home.

Sadie the Cat sleeps on my computer monitor and periodically leans over to make sure the screen is ok.

Sadie the Cat plays the Hand Game. The rules of this game are simple. One puts their hand up to Sadie the Cat's face, and she proceeds to 'hug' the hand with her paws and alternately nuzzle/lick/gnaw at the hand. The hand game is Grade A certifiable awesome. Scientists are currently in the process of attempting to replicate the Hand Game under labratory conditions.

Anything that dangles from anything else is a toy. When a certain buddy's girlfriend is over, I'll periodically see a grey shadow leaping through the air to get at this girl's hair. The "anything that dangles" rule is also why Sadie the Cat isn't allowed in the bathroom.

Sadie the Cat perches on my shoulder like a pirate's parrot.

Sadie the Cat has defeated both Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in hand to hand combat. Simultaneously.

Sadie the Cat chases her tail and regularly catches it.

So really, I don't want to hear your jibba jabba about how your cats suck. It's your own damn fault for not owning Sadie the Cat.

current mood: Frost Giant

(speak your mind)

Thursday, December 9th, 2004
7:49 pm - I'm like MacGyver, but stupid and Jewish.
So Hannukah rolls around and, being the idiot I am, don't actually have a menorah handy. Early experiments indicated that paper towel wicks and shot glasses full of vegetable oil do not a candle make. In the end I had to settle for a few matches stuck in a carrot.

Matches. In a carrot. I felt like I was in a Snoopy cartoon special.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fight off the Red Baron before he eats my latkes.

current mood: Hannukahy

(speak your mind)

Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
3:22 pm - I've got a tab at Zan-zi-bar.
That's it for the semester. One more final next week. But seeing as how that's next week, screw it.

Sitting here with a big bowl of leftover spagetti (thanks, Mom) and Sadie the Cat has her eye on it. She knows what'll happen if she goes near my food, though. Pot roast, anyone?

current mood: Sober

(speak your mind)

11:27 am - Blargh
Nothing to say. Simply keeping up my string of posts direct from UF's computer lab.

current mood: Pensive.

(speak your mind)

Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
9:22 pm - Gin and tonic is a win-win situation.
For once I'm not posting from the computer lab at school, which is a rather serious indication of just how hard I'm trying to avoid finishing off my work for the semester.

I'm moving again at the end of December. This makes three times in about eight months. It sucks for me, but even more for the friends who'll be yet again pressed into service as employees of the Johnny Bravo Moving Agency (non-union).

At least this time I won't be moving at 2:00 am on a Monday morning. I'd probably stab somebody if I had to do that again.

current mood: Procrastinatory

(speak your mind)

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